Discipline

Infants & Toddlers

Discipline for very young children can be tricky. They are exploring and trying new things. They are too young to understand a lot of reasoning, but they need limits to keep them safe. Here are some discipline tips that work well with young children.

• Prevent problems instead of having to always say no
  Look around the room at the child’s level and think about what is reachable that is a no-no. Then remove it or place it out of reach. Some people think that leaving things in place and telling the child “not to touch“ will teach them to listen and follow the rules. This is hard for both the child and the adult. Young children want to  explore to learn more about things. Touch is one way to do this. Children are naturally curious It’s a lot easier on everyone if you put special and dangerous things out of reach. Other smart preventative measures include closing doors, using gates and latching cupboards.
• Distract or Redirect
  Distract or redirect young children from things you don’t want them to do.  When getting a child interested in something else, think about what she’s doing and find a safe way to try that activity. What about the activity are they enjoying? For example, if a child is throwing blocks, they are enjoying throwing. Explain that someone could get hurt and offer them bean bags and a safe target to throw at.
• Ignore Behaviors When Possible
  For behavior that is not harmful or destructive sometimes the best thing to do is to ignore it.  If a child unrolls a roll of toilet paper, ask yourself, “Is he really hurting anyone or anything?” If your answer is no, this may be a time to take a deep breath and choose to ignore the behavior. If you give too much attention to these times, the child may want to do this again and again just to get your attention.

Preschoolers - Ages 3 to 5

At this age effective communication with your child is essential for good behavior. Preschoolers are learning the connection between actions and consequences. They need to have a clear understanding of your family’s rules and expectations for behavior. Here are some tips to help you guide your child’s behavior:

• Explain Rules to Children Before You Punish Them for a Behavior
  The first time your child exhibits an inappropriate behavior, discuss why this is not allowed, and explain what the age appropriate consequence for their actions will be. If the behavior happens again issue a reminder of why the behavior is not allowed and then follow through with the consequence.
• Consistency and Follow Through are Key
  At times it may seem easier to ignore a behavior than to take the time to deal with it. However, consistency is the key to effective discipline. Children who are allowed to exhibit a behavior some of the time and are punished for it others, do not have clear guidelines to use for making decisions about their behavior. In families with two parents the parents should decide what the rules are ahead of time and follow through with the same consequences.
• Reward Good Behavior
  Recognizing good behavior can go a long way to distinguishing negative behaviors. Words of praise from you can be a reminder that they are acting appropriately and a motivator to keep it up. When praising your child, be specific. Instead of just saying "good job" describe what you are seeing: " I am proud of the way you are sharing toys" or "I like the way you are listening to my words today."
• Be a Role Model
  Don't forget that kids learn by watching adults, particularly their parents. Make sure your behavior is role-model material. You'll make a much stronger impression by putting your own belongings away rather than just issuing orders to your child to pick up toys while your stuff is left strewn around.
• Spend Positive Time With Your Child
  Children need attention. Giving them plenty of positive attention will help to build their self esteem. Play games, read books, take walks, have fun and enjoy each other’s company. Be comforting. Give your child hugs, cuddles or a gentle pat on the back. If your child is sad or angry, respect her feelings. Try to understand why she is sad or angry. If you make a promise, do your best to keep it. It is important that your child trusts you, and she will want you to trust her, too.

Next Steps

If your child continues an unacceptable behavior even though you are following the above suggestions, next steps may be:

• Take Away Privileges
  Take away a privilege for a short period. If the period lasts for too long resentment builds, the child forgets the original wrongdoing and the lesson is lost. Provide opportunities to win back privileges later by doing extra chores, etc. Try to “match” the removal of the privilege to the action you would like to correct. For example, fighting over TV equals loss of TV time. Remember to “catch” your child behaving positively and acknowledge that behavior.
• Create a Chart
• Give a Timeout
• Think Twice About Spanking Your Child
  The American Academy of Pediatrics cautions parents not to slap, hit or spank their children. Experts say that spanking may work in the short-term, when children do as they are told out of fear. But in the long run, it can do more harm than good. Studies have shown that:
• Children who are spanked frequently adapt to it, causing some parents to increase its severity.
• Repeated spanking can lead to aggressive behavior.
• Being spanked makes children believe that aggression is a good way to solve conflicts
• White, non-Hispanic children who were frequently spanked before age 2 had more behavioral problems than others once in school.
• Spanking can lead to higher rates of physical aggression, substance abuse, violence and crime.
• Spanking can cause low self-esteem, depression and poor performance in school.
• Children who are spanked are more likely than others to discipline their own children in the same way. They may also grow up to abuse their partners.

For more information check out these websites:

• www.kidsource.com
• www.wikihow.com